I often times find myself in situations that I could have avoided, but once this truth is pointed out to me and I have to chance to stop and think about it, I cannot resurrect a single memory to prove to you that I've done such a thing.
I also often times have been accused of pretending, which coincidentally I like to pretend isn't really true, but most days I honestly can't tell you the accuracy of such a claim.
I will tell you with an overflowing heart just how genuine I am.
Because you see I am
genuinely
scared
vulnerable
extremist
confused
lonely
human
messy
angry
depressed
terrified
emotional
handful
needy
inconsistent
unreliable
unbeliveable
irrational
dishonorable
deceiving
selfish
lustful
bashful
loud
too loud
misunderstood
forgotten
forgotten
remembered?
forgiven.
peace
Last night I was talking to my dad and I said to him, "Dad, why can't I handle my own life? Why can't I deal with all this stuff? What's wrong with me?" and he said to me, after a pause... "I don't know anyone who can do that." I thought about it a moment and then realized he was right. All of us in our selves are as you list yourself. Some of us just have a lot more crutches or good poker faces than others. But I think God loves that. He loves that we realize how much we need. We need him. We need his consistency and his love and his grace. And when we are soooo soooo weak, his strength comes through. So in the end we can say He did it and he will have shown us he would never let us go! And JUST how much he can do, so that when someone else like us comes along we can tell them there is hope. And in the end we'll have leaned so heavily on him that we won't want for anyone else.
ReplyDeleteAnd we get the benefit of realizing early on nothing but God will keep us from utter failure and despair. We don't have to spend years depending on other things.
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