Currently I am sitting at my desk in the corner of my relatively empty apartment in East Town Grand Rapids. There's a window to my right that stretches from the floor to the ceiling, and through it I can see mounds of snow and ice, bare trees, an orange light shimmering from the lamp post by the sidewalk, and a dark parking lot across the street.
Every 5-10 seconds a car zooms by, making it's way to or fro downtown.
It's February 3rd, 2011 and my life will never be the same.
I have realized in the analysis of recent postings that this blog started as a place to document times in which I have happened to hear a bloom whispered, or rather,
a subtle instance of the glory of Christ being revealed by his ever-so-slowly-and-sweetly redemption of every last thing on this earth.
yes, this blog started as that,
and quickly turned into a place of self pity and questioning on my own end, with no regard of the story unfolding in other people's lives.
You see,
I heard a whisper once.
And I felt a call.
And I took a step towards the whisper. but as such the nature of a whisper, you can't always be certain of it's content. The lack of certainty found ( or not found ) in the source of the whisper drives one to create certainty from oneself. And each time you retell your whisper story, you begin to convince yourself more and more that there is no other way. No other option but to follow this path that just months ago you dared not consider taking.
What causes a man to take a different path?
Is it hope or curiosity? Or perhaps longing for something different - something 'better'.
or simply the need to leave. which can be a disease to some.
At this point it would be easy to assume a tone of regret in my writing. On the contrary, there is no such thing.
My decision to leave Spring Arbor was made in due time, and though it initially started as a step towards a larger dream in which I was certain had always been in my shadow awaiting to emerge into the conscious mind, I have found myself on a road I hadn't anticipated. A road that has led me here - to this very moment.
It's funny how the sovereignty of God will work with the insecurity of man, leading him from place to place, way to way, stopping him at every crucial point of stationary existence as He shapes the mind, heart and character for His Will.
It's funny how God can supply an internal certainty of direction, and as quickly as he can take the breath from your lungs in a moment of awe, He can about-face-you to somewhere else.
A Damascus Road of sorts..
Not at all void of purpose or plan or joy. For whether cloud by day or fire by night, I care not where it leads me, as long as I am close to the Whisper.
Friends, I will not be attending Belmont University in Nashville, TN.
God has laid out my life before my eyes for the taking, willing to bless any great thing I try, I have no doubt.
But I no longer want greatness to be the name that is stamped on my heart.
I want something much bigger than that.
I want Jesus Christ.
When it comes to living a better story, there is one thing that is most crucially important to understand:
it is not your story.
The question is, are you willing to be interrupted?
Are you willing to sacrifice the story you could create for yourself in order for the story of Jesus Christ to be told?
They are not always two separate stories.
In my case, I don't believe they were at all.
But I evaluated the most valuable thing to me in my life, and after much mulling and praying, have come to the conclusion that my path is a different one than when this journey first started.
and it's the sweetest thing I've ever tasted.
And with every step that I take in this place - this season of my life - I feel immense purpose, and strategic planning on God's end. He will use whatever he wills to lead you somewhere He wants you to be, and reveal a changed road to you as often as he desires.
For me,
I know I am supposed to be here, in this place, at this time.
and when this season has concluded....
I refuse to leave it unchanged.
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